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The fashion police

The fashion police.A few years ago, when I was window-shopping in one of Italy’s “fashionable” alleys, I noticed that stiletto heels were everywhere. A quick glance at the Mary Jane round toe I just bought before leaving Australia, I feel both repelled and nervous.

Pushed back because I thought stilettos were ugly and worried because I knew it was only a matter of time before I peeled off my heels to buy them.

Two weeks later, I couldn’t stand it. This trend just keeps getting better for me, although it does look odd that my heels get stuck on uneven Italian sidewalks every time I walk down the street (that is, every three steps). So what made me change my mind? I believe the answer lies in the hands of a handful of so-called “Trend Analysts” AKA The Fashion Police.

Their job: to serve and protect the commercial interests of fashion companies worldwide. How? Dissecting public sentiment on what the next trend will be through extensive travel and shopping expeditions (those assholes). These “trend analysts” then report to analytics companies, who then aggregate their findings into industry magazines and websites for use by fashion companies.

I’d say fashion companies use analytics companies because they’re lazy, but that’s definitely not the case. They’re just afraid of making mistakes (can you imagine making 1,000 pairs of high-waisted jeans only to find that everyone is choosing low-rise bootlegs? Auctioning them on Ebay is NOT a solution here). There are also amazing restrictions on the time between seasons.

So most designers design their range based on what they eat, and with luck, they travel around Europe and Japan to buy clothes that they “inspire”. That’s why we get a little change of trending theme every season; The fashion police.All of our designers shop in the same London store! If you want to see something really interesting, just watch women carrying suitcases in department stores buy size ten (when they buy size 12) at the beginning of each season. Ask them what they do for a living.

Can you see that we have a conspiracy in our hands!? We need to act. I hope you burn your leather Fendi bags! Let’s create our own trend! I’m going to knit myself and the extended version of merkin (If you don’t know what it is, I suggest you google it as I’m definitely not meant to explain it to you). Yeah, it’s gonna be a warm winter for me, athletic in a black merkin sweater…

Which brings me back to my original mindset at the start of this section (merkins also has the power to bring people back to what they were originally thinking). What made me buy the pointy toe heels that I now cherish so much? I think it boils down to one word: agree.

Approved by trend analysts, approved by industry magazines, approved by designers, approved in fashion magazines, approved in all stores and Finally, your approval. Deals create our fashion reality. Not always bad, but with the safety of the deal comes a lack of innovation.

And that’s why we need these quirky fashion revolutionaries; so we can solidify their ideas, make them a million times over, and resell the homogenous version to you. To start. We once again entered a state of agreement. Strange world we live in, isn’t it? The fashion police.Where do I put my knitting needles and Merkin supplies.. “wool” now?

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